Extra Strength

Hold on to your seats and get ready for EXTRA laughter (sarcasm in case you need proof of my humility.) In a society full of excess, one of my overly abundant aggravations is the use of the word “Extra,” in EVERYTHING. Consumerism must have reached such a saturation point for marketing professionals, that the only way to interest customers to change their product loyalty was to add the word “Extra.” I noticed this first with my favorite example.

Deodorant. Yes, deodorant. I know. Most people are brand loyal to their particular deodorant. For years, you have chosen a particular brand, scent, application method, etc. So, someone making too much money, sat in their office and came up with a brilliant idea. Let’s offer different degrees of effectiveness for deodorant. What the fuck? Now some brands read, “Extra Strength” on their packaging. No, I would prefer the lets-you-sweat-and-smell-a-little variety. Are you serious? If I’m buying deodorant, just assume I want whatever you have to maximize the sweat and smell problem. Why would I ever choose the lowest protection?

“Extra Strength” medicine. No thank you. I only want it to work a little. I want my headache to linger. It makes me feel more in touch with my mind/body connection. It will be a phenomenal reminder of how fucking bad it was. My toothache will be alright if it only hurts like fuck instead of making me want to bash my head in a wall and take a hammer to it.

“Extra Strength” hair spray. You know, at around 3pm, I would prefer my hair to look like complete shit. Give me the low strength crap that leaves me looking like a shaggy dog by lunch.

“Extra Soft” toilet paper. There is nothing better than having my ass feel like it is on fire after using the restroom. I really love the sandpaper variety. It makes me feel like I have not only cleaned up, but also like I have given myself a good exfoliation of my derrière. You know how you feel when you leave a public restroom that uses the sandpaper variety? Do you know how you would like to kill the person you live with when they come home with this stuff for whatever ungodly reason? There are some luxuries in life that can certainly live with, but leave my damn “extra soft” toilet paper alone! I know, first-world problems. Better than leaves…maybe.

Now with “Extra.” I have beef with companies that use this manipulation. So, you’ve been holding out on me, or people have stopped buying your product. In order to keep customers or acquire new ones, you have to put “extra” in there. Lame.

I would like to urge individuals and companies to spare me the modifiers altogether. Less calories, more protein, better protection, fewer chemicals, bigger bottle, and EXTRA ANYTHING. I know I live in a privileged society. I know I should be content with the fact that I have deodorant, hair spray, toilet paper, etc. everyone has to bitch about something. So, this was my rant for the day.

Feel free to leave EXTRA examples that you will find EVERY DAY!

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